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Bruchstücke eines Konzeptes

Von al | 1.Januar 2009

Agniekbolla Lodzskowa im Gespräch mit den Netzhorst-Vorstandsmitgliedern Sebastian Händschke und Christoph W. Stern.

AL:  Herr Händschke, Herr Stern. Sie haben sich freundlicherweise bereit erklärt, einige Sätze zum Konzept, zur Intention von Netzhorst zu sagen.

SH:  Es gibt viele Nappel und Deppen auf dieser Welt, auch zahlreiche Supermarktkassierer, Vorstandsetagenmitglieder, Briefmarkensammler und fragwürdige Schmierenreporter.

AL:  Bitte wie meinen?

SH:  Wir sind Netzhorst - Singular und Plural …

CWS:  Wir waren es teilweise schon immer!

SH:  …und wir werden es bleiben. In einer immer schneller sich drehenden Welt mit e-Commerce und m-Commerce und Klimbim werden wir unseren Namen mit aller uns zur Verfügung stehenden Intelligenz gegen jeden Versuch der Imitation verteidigen.

CWS:  Die Worte “Nappel” und “Deppen” wünsche ich ersetzt durch “Warmduscher” und “Beimdruckenzuschauer”. Oder sonstigen Schwachsinn.

SH:  (nickt zustimmend).

CWS:  Gegen die Imitate sollten wir uns mit einer virtuellen Sprinkleranlage verteidigen und abgrenzen. Diese sollte in regelmässigen Abständen, aber nicht zu oft, betätigt werden. Auf diese Weise bekämen wir Traffic wie die Seelöwen im zoologischen Garten von Berlin (und auch an anderen Orten) zur vorher per Rundbrief bekannten Fütterungszeit.

SH:  Jetzt im Ernst.

CWS:  Na gut.

SH:  Wir haben ein Konzept, selbst wenn dies keiner merken sollte. Wir stehen dazu, und wir möchten darauf aufmerksam machen, daß wir einer ständigen Wandlung unterworfen sind.

CWS:  Den Passus “selbst wenn dies keiner merken sollte” wünsche ich gelöscht. Wenn niemand etwas merkt, ist das vollkommen irrelevant.

SH:  Netzhorst ist Produkt seiner Zeit und damit ziemlich schnell verderblich. Vielleicht gibt es uns morgen nicht mehr, oder wir sehen ganz aus. Verlassen Sie sich also nicht auf uns.

CWS:  Eigentlich wünsche ich mir “perpetuum netzhorst”, er sollte auf keinen Fall verderblich sein. Desweiteren sollte Netzhorst genauso verlässlich für unsere Fangemeinde sein wie die New York Times für Gesine Cresspahl in Uwe Johnsons “Jahrestage”.

SH:  Netzhorst entspringt einer Idee weniger …

CWS:  (spreizt fünf Finger in die Luft)

SH:  Netzhorst ist offen für viele, das heißt, einer jeder kann teilnehmen, sofern er die Bonitätsprüfung durch den Vorstand, die Redaktion, besteht.

AL:  Formloser Antrag genügt?

SH:  Die Besetzung der Posten “Personal” und “Marketing” hat uns ziemlich lange beschäftigt.

CWS:  Personal und Marketing sollten sich niemals ausschließen, vielmehr eng zusammenarbeiten. Dennoch halte ich eine Trennung hier für sinnvoll. Begründung: Die Marketingabteilung steht in dringendem Verdacht, den Etat der Personalabteilung in Speiseeis investiert zu haben. Darum.

SH:  Wir schliessen ausschließlich befristetete Arbeitsverträge ab.

CWS:  In diesem und anderen Zusammenhängen fordere ich eine Frauenquote, welche noch der Berechnung durch den Vorstand bedarf.

SH:  Wir übernehmen keinerlei Haftung für bei uns veröffentlichte Artikel. Sie müssen zudem nicht der Meinung des Vorstandes entprechen.

AL:  Anfragen an den Vorstand…

CWS:  … dürfen gestellt werden. Ein entsprechendes Formblatt rufen Sie bitte in Tee-Online ab. Dort finden Sie auch Erfrischungen. Der Verstand (des Vorstandes) geruht, Ihre Anfrage asap zu beantworten, in gewohnter und dezidierter Netzhorst-Qualität.

SH:  Wir behalten uns alle Rechte an veröffentlichten Texten, Bildern, akustischen Werken…

CWS:  … und sonstigen dem Betrieb der Anlage dienlichen Sachen, sofern diese zwischen 22 und 6 Uhr nachweislich in einem gemeinschaftlich bewirtschaftetetn Fahradkeller oder einem anderen allseits umfriedeten Bezirk verwahrt werden…

SH:  vor.

AL:  Die Farbe von Netzhorst ist blau?

CWS:  Wir verfolgen keine kommerziellen Ziele. Was wir unternehmen, unternehmen wir um unseres Amusements willen.

SH: : Eingeschickte Anbringsel…

CWS:  … Mitbringsel, Anhängsel und Groupies …

SH:  … sind immer willkommen, jedoch behalten wir uns eine Veröffentlichung vor, sowie das Recht, Kürzungen wie auch Rückfragen zu tätigen.

AL:  Meine Herren…

SH: Darf ich Ihnen noch etwas zur Stärkung anbieten? Vielleicht eine heiße Schoko?

AL:  Vielen Dank, aber ich lehne die Verwendung von Mikrowellen aus moralischen Gründen ab.

CWS: Ich habe es noch einfach gehabt mit der Verdeutlichung meiner Beiträge, habe sie einfach verfettet, mein Kürzel angehängt und in spitze Klammern gesetzt. Sebastian täte schon RTF-Format benötigen…

AL:  Vielen Dank für das Gespräch.

Das Gespräch führte Agniekbolla Lodzskowa.

Topics: Allgemein |

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